V is for Vengeance

Hey guys, I haven’t been writing a lot of poems lately because I’ve been trying to find a new inspiration for me to write about. I haven’t found that inspiration just yet, but here’s something I wrote earlier this week. Lemme know what you think – comment. Or e-mail me at alexajohara@gmail.com

I’m not going to apologize for my emotions

& allow you to watch my eyes well up with tears

I’ve granted you that satisfaction more

times than I should’ve

I’m not going to regret luxuriating in the

tenderness of your lips

Something so impalpable as a black box

But shame on me for trusting your words

Your half-empty growls that I once

yearned for

Your velvety excuses. Vivacious smile that would roll off your tongue. Violent

whispers.

I won’t allow you waltz in and out of the valves of my heart at my expense

because when you’re gone it’s up to them

to pick up the pieces.

& they will be paying for your mistakes.

I refuse to allow myself to be the girl

who’s heart you stole.

But my heart remains cold

From your touch.

It cries for the laughter it used to pump

round my body.

The food it fed my soul…

I’m not sorry for how I feel.

But I have too much pride to allow you walk over me like the dusty foot mat of

my heart.

Abuse

Hey guys,

I recently read an article in the April edition of Shape magazine about abusive relationships and I was really astonished by the stats there.

One in every four women will face relationship violence in her lifetime. That could be you. I don’t mean to scare anyone, but I think its massively important that we’re able to recognize what exactly an abusive relationship is.

I don’t think people realize how detrimental emotional abuse. (Yeah, I’ve been there. I would know.) It is just as powerful as physical abuse.

The magazine article was your basic run-of-the-mill boy meets girl story. She was 22, he was 33. He was charming, intelligent, goal oriented, allaa dat. Soon after things took a turn for the worst..

He started getting jealous really easily. Criticizing her for talking to other guys. He told her that her friends didn’t have her best interest at heart so she started to withdraw from them. He put a lot of blame on her and put her down.

So, why put up with all his shxt if it hurts so much? Deep down, every girl is an optimist as far as I am concerned. She believed, like many others, that he would change back to the guy she had fallen in love with months ago.

Her breaking point was when she snapped at him for comparing her to his ex and he brought out his gun. Best believe right there and then I would run for the hills.

My point is, it is important to recognize these things in your relationships. If you notice your significant other is getting a little hot headed, call them out and let them know how you feel. It is so important that you confide in someone you trust to help you decide whether to move forward or to ball out. Having a good support system around you goes a long way.

‘Even a strong woman’s confidence can be broken down, slowly and insidiously, by someone who knows how to manipulate’

Hellooo People

I’m soooo bad at updating, but I hope to change that this year. *fingerscrossed*

I honestly feel like I’ve been struggling during this strike in Nigeria. It’s been helllll. I can only imagine how the masses are taking it.. I barely have food in my house, no light. I’m only lucky that we filled our gas tanks before the strikes otherwise I would honestly be stuck at home.

I’ve been going through a lot of changes in my life. Difficult ones at that, and I’m trying to have a positive outlook on life so I will say that they are for the best. I haven’t been feeling too inspired this year, but *drum rollll*

Ba-dum-chaaaa! Yes, I have written a new poem. I wrote it 2 nights ago &  I do hope you will like it. Maybe even learn from it. Do comment!!

I was aimlessly thinking about my childhood and how much fun I had painting glass then smashing it when I was feeling sad or had received upsetting news and that is how I began writing this poem..

 

Broken

As I lay over the broken glass beneath my feet I realized I had never felt more broken in my life. I had never felt so much pain in my heart. I had never felt so clueless as to where to begin.
74.
There were 74 pieces of shattered glass.
I shut my eyes and imagined counting the many broken pieces of me so I could easily put them back together with glue. If only I could. If only it were possible.
14.
I had spent 14 months in and out of hospitals with my mother. She had been diagnosed with throat cancer. I watched as she withered away before me but I didn’t expect her to go so soon..
4.
That’s how long I was on the phone when I heard she had passed. 4 minutes. The attendant explained to me that her throat closed up and stopped her from breathing. Doctors and nurses rushed into the room as they heard her screams. She painfully fought to inhale any chance of hope, but the cancer defeated her. It was too late.
I dropped the china set I was holding as I received the traumatizing news.
Which of the 74 pieces do I start with?
What did I do with the 14 months?
How will I be able to be me after my life changed in just 4 minutes?
Like the glass I am broken in many ways.
But I am my mother’s daughter.
Just like she fought till her very last breath, so will I.

Words of Wisdom

I just stumbled across something very wise that my mother once sent to me via bbm today & thought to share it with you guys. It has occurred to me that I might have already done so, but oh well!

“The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve. Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity. An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people. As you grow, your associates will change. Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are. Friends that don’t help you climb will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream. Those that don’t increase you will eventually decrease you. Consider this: Never receive counsel from unproductive people. Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how. Not everyone has a right to speak into your life. You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person. Don’t follow anyone who’s not going anywhere. With some people you spend an evening, with others you invest it. Be careful where you stop to inquire for direction along the road of life. Wise is the person who fortifies his life with his family and good friends. If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl but if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights. ‘A mirror reflects a man’s face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses.’ The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate – for the good and the bad. Note: Be not mistaken. This is applicable to family as well as friends.”

Don’t Judge

Photo courtesy of: makemestfu.com/

 

Healthy Eating

I’ve had the privilege to be able to experience some of the best dining this world has to offer, and I thought that I should just share that with you guys! Well, I cannot really share the food with you, but I can suggest restaurants and recipes.

Today, I have a sweet and healthy dessert that I’ve found from http://meatless.tumblr.com/

The recipe is not mine, but I’ve tried something very similar and it was one of the most delicious desserts I’ve had ever.

It is called ‘Mango Panna Cotta With Kiwi’. For those of you that do not know what panna cotta is, “Panna cotta is an Italian dessert. It is generally from the Northern Italian region of Piemonte, although it is eaten all over Italy, where it is served with wild berries, caramel, chocolate sauce.” Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panna_cotta

If you have a sweet tooth, you will LOVE this.

I encourage all of you to try this & I will try this recipe too this weekend. If you do, give me some feedback and tell me what you think.

My Current Favorite Trends

I’ve noticed that it has been a long while since I’ve posted about fashion & that is mainly because of laziness and I fell out of touch with it, but Im very much back now. I always wanted to be a fashion designer, but previously I had been discouraged because most of my friends want to be and are aspiring fashion designers and adults around me what kind of job is that, who will I be benefitting.. the usual pessimistic lecture, but I’ve come to realize if you really and truly are passionate about something you should never let anything or anyone get in the way. If you have well thought out goals and plans to reach your dream you will get there. Nothing will happen if you just sit on your bum and dream. Don’t wait for things to happen, make them happen.

Anyways, Im going to be posting up 3 current trends that I like every once in a while & here are the ones for today.. Btw, I do not own any of the pictures in this post. I got them from http://blackfashion.tumblr.com/

I love high-waisted pants. These lycra high-waisted pants look like they come from American Apparel. They work well with shirt dresses and blouses. I love love love them. I bought high-waisted shorts from Abercrombie a few weeks ago. If Im up to it, I’ll take pictures & post ‘em up.

I adore masculine looks on women. Not many can pull it off or can execute it too well, but I love this look especially. It’s not too masculine, but she looks fierce and exudes confidence.

Ok, Im not crazy about this look, but I just love the originality. I doubt anyone would have thought of pairing these pieces together if they had been in a pile of clothes on their bedroom floor. What I do love about this look is her hair. I’d die to have her hair! Maybe not, but its soo cool in my opinion. I also love her shoes, oxfords as Americans say or brogues as the Brits say. Whatever you call them, I love them. I have about 3 or 4 pairs. They go with absolutely everything & can really dress up or dress down a look. Very versatile.

If you want to ask me or suggest to me anything regarding fashion or anything really please contact me. Just click on the contact me tab & you’ll see how you can do that.